The title may seem farfetched but stick with me here. Healing professionals know that broken people are adults who have soul wounds from their childhood. The first 20 years of our lives shape who we are and who we become. Some choose to model their upbringing while others reject it altogether. Society usually discusses women rejected by fathers who carry wounds of Abandonment, Feelings of Inadequacy and Distrust.
Well the opposite is also true of men who aren’t properly loved by their mothers. We tend to focus on the effects of a man growing up without a father figure but never discuss the repercussions of Mother Wounds.
Mother Wounds manifest as: Failure to launch, inability to receive love, subconscious hate for women which leads to abuse, abandoning his own family, self-sabotage, and low self-worth. This keeps the cycle going because this father will then become an influence on his own children and family and then the community. We see this in our community currently. Am I saying all of the brokenness in the black community comes from women Of Course Not! I am simply bring awareness to us all. Its is everyone’s responsibility individually to be the change and stop the cycle. If we birth 5 children we have birthed 5 heads of families. It’s imperative that we understand our influence over the future.
So, now the solutions. What can we do to build our sons to be healthy leaders of the future?
- Edify him with your words. Pay attention to the words you use. Power of Life and Death lie in the power of your tongue. Therefore speak life into him.
- Embrace Him: Try your best to give him all the hugs h needs. At times we can easily be caught up in what we our doing that we ignore or brush or kiddos off.
- Be Present with Him.
- Respect Him: I think this should be number 1. We have to respect our sons and this teaches him how to then show respect to women.
- Allow him to do things & honor his decisions
- Put him in Montessori School– Montessori schools allow children to be self-directed and independent. The philosophy is to build on their strengths instead of highlighting weaknesses. Most Montessori’s are not free, but with some creative planning you can make it happen.
I keep Frederick Douglass’s quote in the forefront of my mind. I always speak life into my children any GOD puts in my path. I look forward to hearing well done, look at how the world changed because of you. So if you have been slacking and tearing your home down instead of building it up…start today. Start now. It’s not too late. Plant seeds of love and empowerment in your sons and watch them grow into powerful men.